Having an active social life is important for everyone, but when you’re a spoonie, trying to manage social activities with a chronic illness can feel very daunting. Between the unpredictable nature of chronic illness symptoms and navigating fluctuating energy levels, it can sometimes feel overwhelming.

In this post, I’ll show you how to overcome that overwhelm so you can spend time with loved ones and navigate social events without overdoing it.

Understand Your Limits: Pacing Basics

Before we talk about these tips, though: know your limits and respect them. People living with chronic illness live through their own experiences, so remember that what might work for you does not necessarily work for someone else. Here are basic steps that will help you determine and respect your limits:

• Track Your Energy Levels: Keep a journal every day, detailing your energy and activities. From this, you can identify patterns and be in a position to plan your social activities. For example, you may be able to recognize that in the morning or afternoon, you feel more energized; you can use this knowledge to guide you in scheduling social activities for when you are at your peak energy.
• Set Realistic Expectations: Communicate with friends and family what your limitations are. Be clear in your expectations so there are fewer opportunities for misunderstandings and to help foster supportive conversations. For example, inform friends that you might be leaving early or taking breaks so they better understand your needs and know how to help you take care of yourself.
• Prioritizing Activities: Find out the important social activities and focus your energy on those; it’s okay to say no to others that don’t have as much meaning or importance for you. Prioritizing saves up the energy that can be spent on the most rewarding of interactions—like a close friend’s birthday or that family gathering you just can’t miss.

Spoonie Socializing Advice

Navigating social engagements with a chronic illness takes planning, so here are some tips to help you manage your energy effectively:

Plan Ahead:

• Schedule Rest Breaks: Fit some rest time into your schedule before and after social events. This will enable you to recharge and not overdo it. For instance, if you have a social event at night, ensure the afternoon is restful in order to save some of your spoons.
• Share Your Needs: Let your host or friends know your needs in terms of energy. This could lead to better plans like shorter meetings or meeting at a quiet place. A simple talk with your friends and loved ones can make all the difference in how you experience social events.
• Convenient Locations: Select venues nearby or with accessible seating arrangements to help decrease physical stress. A neighboring café or a friend’s home may be a perfect place.

Opt for Low-Energy Social Activities

• Virtual meetups, or even video calls and online gaming, make for less energy-draining activities compared to physical ones, allowing you to socialize from the comfort of your own home. You can hang out with everyone without even moving an inch using platforms like Zoom, Discord, and many others.
• Meet a friend for some coffee or tea in a relaxed coffee shop. Sometimes it might just be short and sweet, but allows quality time together without depleting your spoons.
• Share in relaxation-type activities, such as taking in a movie, reading together, or doing crafts. These can be fun and much less demanding physically. For instance, sharing a new or favorite movie at home with friends is a nice way to pass time with less energy drain than going to a movie.

Social Events Pacing Strategies:

• Time Limits: Know how long you can comfortably stay at an event and stick to the limits you’ve set. Find ways to politely excuse yourself from the situation when you need to leave. Knowing in advance that you will be able to leave when you need to will allow you to enjoy an event without draining yourself.
• Assistive Devices: If walking or standing for long periods is difficult for you, consider using assistive devices, such as a cane or a wheelchair to help you pace yourself and stay safe. This could make a big difference in your comfort and participation.

Always Have a Backup Plan: In case your symptoms flare up and you start to feel unwell, be sure to plan how to leave earlier or retreat to a private, quiet place to rest. Make sure that you work out your means of transportation beforehand. It helps to have someone around whom you trust with your needs and can offer you support.

Staying Connected Without Overdoing It

Being able to manage your social life with chronic illness involves creativity in maintaining balance. Here are ways to maintain relationships without overdoing it:

Embrace technology:

• Stay in Touch Virtually: Social media, messaging apps, and video calls can all play an incredible role in keeping one connected with their family and friends without putting the effort in to visit them. Apps like WhatsApp, FaceTime, Skype etc. can make all the difference in helping you feel connected.
• Join Online Communities: Engage in online support groups or forums for spoonies. Such communities help in offering understanding, support, and friendship. Websites like The Mighty and Facebook host hundreds of such groups where sharing experiences and giving advice are commonplace.

Hold Small Gatherings:

• Potluck Dinners: Get your friends together at your place for a potluck dinner. It will take the burden off you, leaving you to cook just one meal. Additionally, it gives a sense of community in which everyone partakes.
• Game Night: Organize a game night with easy board games or card games; they can be fun and not exert much energy but still let time be spent with friends. It could really be a nice and relaxing evening with simple games such as Uno, Scrabble, or even a puzzle.

Prioritize Self-Care and Honest Communication

• Listen to Your Body: Pay attention to the different signals that your body is giving you and allow yourself to honor its limits. If you suddenly feel unwell, then it is totally okay to back out of your plans. Your true friends & loved ones will understand that it is about you and your well-being above all else.
• Be Honest About Your Limits: Be honest with your friends and family members about what you can and cannot do. Open and honest conversations translate into stronger relationships and mutual respect.

Confidently Navigate Your Spoonie Social Life

It’s not just possible to stay in touch with your loved ones while trying to keep tabs on chronic illnesses—it’s extremely rewarding. Be conscious of limitations, plan well in advance, and focus on low-energy activities so that you can still enjoy an active social life without overdoing it. Again, remember that most importantly, you should be attuned to your body and let those around you know your needs. Balancing social life with long-term conditions or chronic disease can never be achieved in a single action. By putting some of these tips into practice, you can enjoy spending time with your favorite people without compromising your well-being.

If you’re looking for more tips & resources for managing your energy so you can enjoy social activities, download the free Energy Management Toolkit. This comprehensive workbook provides practical advice, tools, and strategies to help you thrive within the complexities of living with chronic illness.