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Living with a chronic illness can be life-altering in many ways, and one of the more unexpected shifts can be in your relationships, especially with friends. When you’re newly diagnosed, your priorities, energy levels, and emotional needs can change, but not everyone around you may be prepared to adjust along with you. Sadly, this can sometimes lead to friendships becoming strained or even toxic.
Recognizing the red flags in friendships after a chronic illness diagnosis can help you protect your well-being and focus on relationships that uplift and support you. In this post, we’ll explore some common warning signs that a friendship may have turned toxic and offer some guidance on what to do when you see those signs.
Disclaimer: While I offer tips for maintaining wellness while dealing with a chronic illness, I’m not a licensed medical physician, psychotherapist, or psychologist, and I’m not offering medical or psychiatric advice.
For my full disclaimer policy, go here.
The 7 Red Flags
1. Lack of Empathy
One of the first and most telling red flags in a friendship after your chronic illness diagnosis is a lack of empathy. This can look like friends minimizing your experience, dismissing your symptoms, or refusing to acknowledge how your illness impacts your day-to-day life. Phrases like “You don’t look sick” or “You’re just exaggerating” are huge indicators that your friend might not be willing to understand or support you emotionally.
Empathy is the foundation of a healthy relationship, especially when you’re dealing with the daily challenges of a chronic condition. Without it, you may find yourself feeling isolated and misunderstood.
2. Constant Comparisons
Another sign that a friendship may have become toxic is when your friend constantly compares your experience to their own or someone they know. While comparisons can sometimes come from a place of trying to relate, they can often feel dismissive. Hearing things like, “Oh, I know someone with that, and they can do X just fine” or “I get tired too, it’s not that bad” can make you feel like your struggles are invalidated.
Everyone’s journey with chronic illness is different, and it’s important that your friends recognize your unique experience without trying to fit you into a one-size-fits-all mold.
3. Guilt Tripping
Guilt tripping is a manipulative behavior that can sneak into friendships, especially when you’re no longer able to meet the same expectations you once did. A friend might say things like, “You never hang out anymore” or “You’re always canceling plans.” While they may not intend to hurt you, their words can make you feel like a burden for prioritizing your health and well-being.
Your energy is precious, and managing a chronic illness often means you have to say no to things you once could do with ease. A true friend will understand and not make you feel guilty for taking care of yourself.
4. Absence When You Need Support
Friendship should be a two-way street, especially when you’re facing challenges. If you notice that a friend is nowhere to be found when you’re going through a flare-up or need emotional support, it’s a red flag. It’s one thing for a friend to have their own life and boundaries, but if they consistently disappear when you need them most, it might be time to reassess the relationship.
Support doesn’t always have to be grand gestures—it could be as simple as a text to check in or a kind word of encouragement. If your friend is absent during tough times, it may be a sign they’re not willing or able to be a supportive part of your life.
5. Invalidation of Your Limitations
A major aspect of living with a chronic illness is learning to set and respect your own limits. Unfortunately, some friends may not understand this and might pressure you to push past those limits. They might say things like, “Just try harder” or “You’ll feel better if you just get out more.”
Pushing past your boundaries can lead to physical setbacks and emotional distress. If your friend isn’t willing to respect your limits or makes you feel bad for setting them, it’s a serious sign of toxicity in the relationship.
6. Making It About Themselves
Toxic friends often have a way of making your struggles about them. They might express frustration at how your illness is affecting their life or bring the focus back to their own experiences whenever you try to talk about your health. For example, if you mention how hard it is to manage your condition, they might say something like, “You think that’s bad? Wait till you hear what happened to me.”
Friendships are about mutual care and support, and if your friend constantly redirects the conversation to themselves when you’re trying to share your experience, it’s a sign that the relationship may no longer be balanced.
7. Resentment Over Changed Dynamics
Friendship dynamics often change after a chronic illness diagnosis. You might not be as available as before, and your energy levels might fluctuate day by day. If a friend begins to express resentment over these changes, making comments like “You’ve changed” or “You’re not fun anymore,” it’s a major red flag.
Chronic illness can force you to prioritize your health over social activities, and while that may mean some adjustments, it doesn’t give anyone a pass to hold it against you. A true friend will adapt and find new ways to connect and support you.
Taking Action: How to Handle Toxic Friendships
Recognizing these red flags can be tough, but it’s important to protect your emotional and physical well-being. Here are a few steps to consider if you notice toxic behavior in your friendships:
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Set boundaries:
- Clearly communicate your limits and how your illness affects your energy and availability. If your friend can’t respect those boundaries, it might be time to distance yourself.
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Have an open conversation:
- Sometimes, friends may not even realize they’re being hurtful. If you feel comfortable, try having an open conversation to explain how their actions are affecting you.
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Focus on supportive relationships:
- Shift your energy toward relationships that are understanding and supportive. Your time and energy are precious, and surrounding yourself with people who get that is crucial.
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Consider letting go:
- If the friendship continues to be draining and toxic, it might be best to part ways. It’s okay to let go of relationships that no longer serve your well-being.
Moving Forward with Healthier Connections
Navigating friendships after a chronic illness diagnosis can be difficult, but it’s essential to prioritize your mental, emotional, and physical health. Friendships should bring you joy, not added stress. By recognizing these red flags, you can take steps toward cultivating healthier, more supportive connections in your life.
Remember, you’re not alone in this journey, and there are people out there who will love and support you just as you are.
If you’re ready to strengthen your emotional resilience and self-worth, download 10 Empowering Affirmations for Those With Chronic Illness to keep you grounded and empowered. Simply fill out the form below to get your free copy!
Until next time,
